The lovely Claire, who has been an invaluable support to me,
creatively and emotionally, just told me that she got her dream job—hooray! And
that it’s in Baltimore. Ug.
Like Anne of Green Gables, when I find a bosom friend, I
want her to stay with me forever. I hold on to many of them, and I want Claire
to be in that category. Unfortunately, long distance communication is not my
strong suit, and I have learned that some people, in spite of how much we love
them, fall away from our lives. So yes, I am thrilled that Claire has this opportunity,
and yes, I am so sad that she’s moving away.
But on another level, seeing her dream come true gives me
more hope in my own. I have journeyed with Claire, watched her discern what she
wanted to do for work, try things that didn’t quite fit, adjust, try something
else, and persevere despite setbacks. After this long road, success! She has found a job that will use her
considerable skills, where she will be valued and important. Seeing this come
together for her helps me to keep believing in my own dreams, to keep trying, to
keep doing the next thing.
Yet wouldn’t a writer need to be writing for their dream to
come true? That’s what the inner critic asks. I suppose he has a point. With vacation, some drama, and less naps from Daniel,
I have not put fingers to keyboard too often in the past few weeks. But rather
than giving in to fear or self-doubt, I’m practicing breathing. I’m reminding
myself what Havi says, that we can only work on one tiny corner of the garden
at a time, but any work we do helps the entire garden thrive.
So, no critic, I have not written much these past two weeks,
but I have seen a lawyer to write my will, made a long-feared doctor’s appointment,
supported a friend in a very difficult time, and prepared for my trip to Peru. Inner
critic says, “Havi’s theory is a crock. You just say that to make yourself feel
better!” Man, he can be an asshole. I’ll channel Claire instead. She would tell
me that I’m right on schedule. I’m working on believing her.
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4 comments:
I love that your inner critic is a guy.
Listen to Claire. She sounds wiser than inner critic guy.
You are so right, Carol. Claire is infinitely wiser than the critic.
This morning, rewriting a scene where I needed to describe an elaborate mansion, i envisioned that beach house with the windows that shimmered like bubbles that we passed on our walk on Stone Harbor beach. I did not know that day We walked that i was storing details for a scene but that is part of writing.
Yes a writer needs to get words on the page. The days you do not you just might be recharging your writing batteries to fuel the next scene
Carol, great reminder. I can't wait to see what shows up in my writing from Peru :)
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