Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Love New Yor-or-ork





My love affair with New York has been long, and like any long-term relationship, full of ups and downs. But right now, I feel like we're on our second honeymoon, The City and I. It all began when I was little, the first time my parents brought me to their company’s annual meeting in Manhattan. We stayed at the Marriott Marquis, right in Times Square. With all of New York City at our feet, nothing compared to the crazy spaceship-like all glass superspeed elevators, like something out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But I also remember Rockefeller Center, the Christmas tree and decorations, ice skating. I remember FAO Schwartz, ribbon candy from Fannie Mae, an exotic pizza place called Sbarro's.

The affair continued in my teen years when I set off with two friends for a day trip to New York. We took Septa to Trenton and NJ Transit into the big city. We went to the top of the Empire State Building, to Macy’s, to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. We posed in front of the bull on Wall Street, a hand on each of the bull's butt cheeks.

And then I was ready to commit, to take the relationship to the next level--I moved it. Three years I spent living in the Bronx, exploring all five boroughs, and when college was over and I moved to California, I left feeling I had unfinished business, sure I would be back. We were on a break, but not breaking up I told myself.

But after a year on the West Coast, I had changed. I told New York it was me, not it. I settled in Philly, tried to keep up an affair with NYC, going to visit what seemed like every month for years. But like any long distance relationship, the distance took its toll. Time between visits grew larger and larger. I felt I didn't even know New York anymore.

Then this summer, I felt a taste of that old infatuation again. After a long weekend in August, attending the U.S. Open, staying in my friend's gorgeous West Village apartment (the same friend who planted his hand on the bull's butt cheek fifteen years ago) I wanted more. Suddenly New York had the old draw, the hypnotic appeal that lured me there in the first place. I just wanted to be in it.

A brief visit in November was just a tease. Only time to drive by Louis Vuitton, Tiffany's, Bergdorf's--places I've never visited, but in my new rosy view of the city added to its appeal. More, I needed more! So we returned last weekend. Visited some of my favorite places--the New York Botanical Gardens, where we saw the miniature New York, made of botanical materials for the Train Show (pictured above). We ate on Arthur Ave, at Ann and Tony's, one of my favorite Italian restaurants, and walked Fordham's campus, providing me some visceral memories of what it was like to be 18, 19, 20, 21 in New York City.

And then we ventured to an unknown part of New York, somewhere I'd always wanted to go--Coney Island.

What's happening in Coney Island on a Sunday morning in December? Not much. A handful of people walking on the beach and boardwalk. An icy wind blowing from the sea, stinging my skin through my pants. Sea shells mixed with broken glass and cigarette butts on the sand. Horseshoe crabs. Growling Rottweilers guarding amusement parks behind barbed wire. Boarded up windows. A sign that says "Shoot the Freak Paint Ball - Live Human Targets." A tree decorated with plastic bags. Customers in the original Nathan's Hot Dogs at 9:30 am.

I was surprised that it was a beach. I didn't know the Atlantic Ocean came right up to New York City like that. Do people lie on the beach there? Swim in the water? Surf? I don’t know. But I left with even greater love for New York. Because where else can you find Coney Island? What other city has so many places, so dear to me, and also an endless variety of new places to see and explore?

Me and New York. We're totally back together.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Talking 'Bout the Big D

No, I don't mean divorce. Or Dallas. Discouragement is the one. I've been in a funk of discouragement over the book for the past 10 odd days. But progress is being made. First of all, I had a good work session today, the first really satisfying one since the discouragement set in. Second, I'm feeling hope and optimism work their way back into my heart. And third, I've been much calmer than usual about this round of discouragement. Less panicky. Less resistant. I've been through this several times at least with the book, and so I guess I'm learning to ride it out. I know I lived through the last few times, and afterwards I still wanted to write in general, and more specifically the novel, so maybe I'm developing some faith. Learning to accept all parts of the process, the smooth riding parts and the bumpy ones. Not that it's comfortable. It's not. But I have some tools now. I have some things that I know work, that I know help. Here's my list:

1. Artist dates--I do more than usual, and I do better ones than usual. Last week I had a French party complete with a French film, an almond croissant, and a glass of the beaujeaulais nouveau.

2. Walking. Walking really helps. Literally putting one foot in front of the other. Gets me out of my head, into my body, provides a change of scenery, food for my senses, and somehow just helps things to settle out, my thoughts to untangle, my heart to quiet.

3. Talking to Claire, my novelist friend. She provides encouragement, insight and empathy. What a gift.

4. Being extra nice to myself. This means sleeping in. This means little treats like M&Ms, this means humoring whims, any little thing that may lift my spirits.

5. Reading Julia Cameron. I'm not currently working with The Artist Way or any of Julia's books, but I'll look in the index, under say, discouragement. Her words are often just the medicine I need.

6. Seeing friends, especially ones who make me laugh, which come to think of it, is all my friends.

7. Going to my job. Yes, this helped enormously over the last week. Because I couldn't feel productive in my writing, it really helped to feel productive in another area of my life.

8. Basking in the light of my Christmas tree.

9. Moving things around the house.

10. Cooking.

What are your strategies for dealing with discouragement, or just a good old fashioned funk? I'd love to know.

Maybe coming out of discouragement is like getting over a migraine. At first, I just feel the absence of pain, then each day I get a bit less foggy until I feel back to normal. I may not be quite at normal yet, but I'm getting there.