Thursday, May 10, 2012

Motherhood, My Way

Daniel rocking a Peruvian alpaca sweater

Something I’ve found hard as a mom is responding to other people’s expectations of what I should be doing. (Or what I think other people think I should be doing.) The most innocent question, like “what are you doing for Daniel’s first Easter?” can induce rage, defensiveness, derision. “Uh, he has no concept what Easter is, so nothing,” is what I want to say. I felt resentful about what everyone seemed to think I should do for his first Christmas, so you can imagine how I feel with his first birthday approaching.

I know moms who have formal pictures taken for every holiday – even St. Patrick’s and Valentine’s Day. I know moms who knitted stockings for baby’s first Christmas. I know moms who are planning elaborate first birthday parties. Because I have a tendency to compare myself to others, when I hear this I ask myself, why aren’t you doing that?

But recently a new thought occurred to me: maybe those moms do those things because they enjoy it, not because they’re caving to social pressure. I really enjoy dressing up. I’ve had people ask me, snottily, why I was wearing pearls on a Tuesday afternoon. The answer is, I just like to. It makes me happy. Similarly, I love to put my little man in cute outfits. I suspect very soon he’ll start having opinions about what he wears, so I’m taking advantage of this time to dress him the way I want to. Not to impress anyone. Not because formal wear is important for babies – just because it makes me smile.

So here’s my thought for Mother’s Day: motherhood has plenty of drudgery. Let’s all make a pact to not make it harder for ourselves than it has to be. I’m going to do mom things that bring me joy, and leave the photo shoots, crafts and parties for the Martha Stewart types. Happier mom means happier Daniel. So it will be pizza and cake for his first birthday, with whoever can show up on a Tuesday night. Maybe I'll wear pearls.


Anonymous said...

Pizza and Cake!!!!

Sign me up. Happy Mothers Day Jules. Hopefully your amazing son and husband have some nice surprises up their sleeves.

Daniel J Ackerman

Anne said...

Pizza and Pearls go great together! Go ahead with your bad self!

Julie Owsik Ackerman said...

Daniel J, Annie, I love the prompt commenting. Thanks for your support of my low key plans :)


Chris Brady said...

We become mothers with not much of a guidebook. It's natural to look at what others are doing. You're still in the wonder years where you can do whatever. The peer pressure comes when he's on the school circuit.

I'm looking forward to Mother's Day with my son and mom. He's cooking for me and my mom.

Treasure these moments: you are Daniel's best girl. Happy first Mothers Day.

Julie Owsik Ackerman said...

Oh my goodness, Chris. You're saying the peer pressure gets worse? I better bone up on not caring what people think between now and kindergarten :)

Happy Mother's Day to all!