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| Daniel rocking a Peruvian alpaca sweater |
Something I’ve found hard as a mom is responding to other people’s
expectations of what I should be doing. (Or what I think other people think I should
be doing.) The most innocent question, like “what are you doing for Daniel’s
first Easter?” can induce rage, defensiveness, derision. “Uh, he has no concept
what Easter is, so nothing,” is what I want to say. I felt resentful about what
everyone seemed to think I should do for his first Christmas, so you can
imagine how I feel with his first birthday approaching.
I know moms who have formal pictures taken for every holiday
– even St. Patrick’s and Valentine’s Day. I know moms who knitted stockings for
baby’s first Christmas. I know moms who are planning elaborate first
birthday parties. Because I have a tendency to compare myself to others, when I
hear this I ask myself, why aren’t you doing that?
But recently a new thought occurred to me: maybe those moms
do those things because they enjoy it, not because they’re caving to social
pressure. I really enjoy dressing up. I’ve had people ask me, snottily, why I
was wearing pearls on a Tuesday afternoon. The answer is, I just like to. It
makes me happy. Similarly, I love to put my little man in cute outfits. I
suspect very soon he’ll start having opinions about what he wears, so I’m
taking advantage of this time to dress him the way I want to. Not to impress
anyone. Not because formal wear is important for babies – just because it makes
me smile.
So here’s my thought for Mother’s Day: motherhood has plenty
of drudgery. Let’s all make a pact to not make it harder for ourselves than it
has to be. I’m going to do mom things that bring me joy, and leave the photo
shoots, crafts and parties for the Martha Stewart types. Happier mom means
happier Daniel. So it will be pizza and cake for his first birthday, with
whoever can show up on a Tuesday night. Maybe I'll wear pearls.
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